When Failure Isn’t Failure

Failure sounds fatal and final. We much prefer the sound of success. But success and failure have many levels—levels that may actually overlap. Whether we label something a success or failure depends on the standards we uphold for ourselves and our students. Failure in one area of life may accompany success in other areas. Our attitude toward failure plays a major part in what we allow it to do to us.

Making mistakes is a part of growing up, of learning, and of being human. We can expect them. We can also expect to learn from them, to stop making the same mistakes. A successful second-grader would not be a successful seventh-grader.

To learn from mistakes we must be willing to recognize them as mistakes, and to change.

Attitudes play a major role in turning failure into success. Consider Cain. He knew his offering was unacceptable and heard God’s warning, but he was not willing to follow advice and change. Or Saul. After rebuke for his impatience and forwardness, he still interpreted the Lord’s command to please himself. In contrast, the New Testament Saul/Paul recognized his grave mistake of opposing Christ, and he repented. Concerning his change he wrote, “Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13, 14). He acknowledged the past with its failure, but left it behind while he stretched toward the goal with new understanding and responses. God, in His mercy, grants us second chances.

If mistakes are enemies, is perfection our friend? We do want to make as few mistakes as possible, but we live with human limitations. We know academic success does not depend upon perfection. In fact, too much emphasis on perfection can harm a child, making him fearful of making a mistake and conditioning him for carefulness to the extent of tediousness. Mastery is the key ingredient we are promoting. Moves toward mastery are not failure.

As parents and teachers, we need to recognize several things when dealing with children who have not met our expectations.
1) Expectations must be reasonable. Our children, like us, have different aptitudes. Acknowledge strengths and weaknesses and adjust expectations for them. Recognize effort expended; we cannot expect more from a child who has done his best.
2) Children mature at different rates. Age is not the best indicator of readiness.
3) Children learn at different rates and by different methods.
4) There may be a lack of self-discipline and carefulness. This presents the greatest challenge to teachers, so that lack of diligence is not mistaken for inability. Overlooking carelessness sets the child up for a life of mediocrity. At the same time, we do not want to instill perfectionism.

A student may need to repeat a LightUnit because he has not mastered the material, but that does not mean he has failed. It does not mean he has learned nothing. It simply means he has not understood the material well enough, making the next new material likely too difficult. Studying the LightUnit again will help him understand concepts that have been hazy and equip him to go on without frustration. Here, teachers should look for alternate ways to reinforce the material. Try to catch a lack of mastery early so you can take preventive steps. Perhaps extra drill or more explanation will help the student understand a difficult concept.

When a child has to repeat a unit or a grade because of lack of mastery, he needs special consideration. Stigma associated with repeating has been invented by adults and caught by children. We are in a hurry and do not want to be held up by obstacles that take too much time. We caught on, so why is he so dull? It is too bad that the child must bear the brunt of repeating. Soften that brunt by understanding and encouragement. Find ways to relieve undue pressure and facilitate insight. Be sure that personal worth is not called into question. A twenty-dollar bill is just as valuable after it has been crushed, trampled, and gone through the wash as when it was new. There is no disgrace in trying again; disgrace comes with giving up something attainable.

We recognize various areas of life where we want our students to grow up. Academics may seem to be our primary focus, but relationships, emotional responses, and spiritual awareness are of equal or greater importance. Neglect in any area sets the stage for failure. Spiritual success or failure is of greatest consequence, and affects success or failure in other areas. Whatever a child’s success in academics, if he learns the things that make life fruitful and is equipped to serve the Lord, he has not failed.

“A just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief” (Prov. 24:16). “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand” (Ps. 37:23, 24.) Failure is not spelled F-I-N-A-L.

—Dwight Beachy

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